Adrift
by Oracle of the Mystics
Summary: Set after prom, only no MerDer sex. Meredith and Addison go out for drinks and talk. About everything. Meredith/Addison friendship. Not Derek friendly.
1. Encounters in Stairwells

Author: Oracle of the Mystics

**Author**: Oracle of the Mystics

**Fiction Rating:** T

**Timeline:** After **"Losing my Religion"**, only Meredith didn't leave the dance floor and Derek and Meredith didn't sleep together. Basically, she's still with Finn, Derek's still looking at her and still angry over Finn and Addison is still caught in the middle of it all.

**Characters: **Mainly Meredith and Addison, but with mentions of others, especially Derek.

**POV:** Multiple POV, but mainly switching between Meredith and Addison.

**Spoilers: **Basically up to Season 2, though there will be mentions about things in the characters' past that are revealed in later seasons.

**Author's Note: **This stemmed from too much free time and a severe dislike of Derek's actions. In pieces, he is McDreamy, but when you look at his actions as a whole, he's with one woman but dangling another woman along, meaning that neither of them can truly move on. Those who love Derek will not be too happy by my portrayal of him, so be warned.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own them, never will.

**Summary: **Set after prom, only no MerDer sex. Meredith and Addison go out for drinks and talk. About everything. Not Derek friendly.

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Back in New York, Addison Shepherd never had an opinion on elevators. For her, they were simply methods of transport from Point A to Point B. She had never realized how claustrophobic they were. How slowly they seemed to move. How you could only either look at the doors, or look at your husband lust after his ex-girlfriend.

Despite the heels, she decided to start taking the stairs.

She peered over the railing at the steps below as she walked, her Jimmy Choos echoing against the stairwell walls. Down and down and down. A downward spiral. It's horribly familiar…

"Oof"

The smack of tennis shoes against the floors stopped abruptly as the runner collided into Addison. Papers went scattering. She snatched a few from mid-air to prevent them from falling.

"Oh god, I'm sorr-," Meredith Grey was looking back at her.

"-ry," the intern finished her apology. "Sorry, Addison."

"It's alright" she murmured quietly in reply. It's quiet as the two of them pick up the charts.

"So, the stairs now?"

"Yeah"

They both knew why the other was here. They both know better than to bring it up. Addison realized that while she and Meredith Grey had few similarities, the ones they did have ran deep. There weren't many people Addison could talk to about what she was going through. The Chief had a marriage he was trying to save. Preston had been shot. Miranda was trying to see more of her son. It wasn't as if she could talk to Derek.

And she knew that despite Grey's group of friends, with Stevens' late fiancé, the affair with O'Malley and Yang dealing with Burke, Meredith's own problems had been pushed to the back burner. She could probably use someone to talk to as well.

Which is probably why her mouth opened and said, "Would you like to out for drinks sometime?"

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About Meredith being alone, while it's true her friends support her, her friendship with George is still shaky, she's not that close to Alex and Izzie and Cristina have their own problems to deal with right now. Meredith is not going to push because she knows that in reality, her pain regarding Derek is relatively minor.

And poor Addison moved across the country and made superficial "chat at the nurses' station friends" she has no one to _really_ talk to. The two of them can get the other in a weird way no one else can.

Please review. This chapter is just to set the stage for what's coming. I welcome constructive criticism, but no flames please.


	2. Contrast

Mer POV:

**Mer POV:**

She told Finn she was going out with her friends. She told her friends she was going out with Finn. In reality, she was going out with her ex-boyfriend's and current love's wife.

They left the hospital early, and ended up sharing the same cab. The ride was silent except for the muted music. Meredith was thankful for that. She stared out the window, not bothering to look at Addison. She had already spent enough of her time obsessively studying the neo-natal surgeon's perfect profile.

Addison ended up taking her to a swanky bar, with jazz music, soft lights and a dance floor. Not the type of place Meredith usually frequented, but the sort of place she could easily imagine Addison in.

It seemed to be their hostess' opinion as well as well. She smiled approvingly as she took in the coiffed red hair, flawless make-up, manicured nails and the (probably) designer dress and shoes.

The smiled faded as she stared at Meredith's unkempt hair and unmade face along with a plain long sleeved shirt, jeans and sneakers. However, after a brief smirk sent her way, she allowed the two inside.

"Would you like a table?" she asked.

"Umm.." Meredith caught Addison's eye.

"We'll just sit at the bar," the red-head, to Meredith's relief. The two of them weren't ready for the intimacy of a table. Sitting side-by-side at the bar counter was infinitely preferable.

Besides, it was probably for the best that they were in close proximity to alcohol.

Addison ordered a glass of expensive sounding wine, expertly naming the year and make. She's tempted to order straight tequila, but ends up ordering an extra dry vodka martini. Something she could sip on while she and Addison talked about……well, there was only one thing they were really here to talk about.

Sitting next to Addison makes her feels inferior. She always felt inferior compared to the attending, but seated side-by-side, their differences are thrown into sharp relief.

Many people thought she hated Addison, but that wasn't true. She didn't hate Addison. She envied her.

She really wishes the bartender would hurry up.

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**Addi POV:**

She stares at the clearly nervous intern. She doesn't look like the average mistress. Her hair isn't teased, her make-up isn't heavy, her breasts aren't huge and her clothes aren't skimpy.

Maybe Meredith Grey doesn't look like the average mistress because she wasn't the average mistress.

Ever since she had hit college, Addison had never felt uncomfortable about her looks. Once she had lost the braces, got laser eye surgery, and learnt to dress well, she had become the sort of woman who could turn men's heads in the streets. But the man whose attention she wanted gave it to the girl sitting next to her.

She studied Meredith carefully, taking in the grey-green eyes and delicate features. She wasn't a head turner, but had a subtle beauty that kept men looking at her once they started to. Just look at Derek. They were a model's features, the sort you saw on magazines.

Many people thought she hated Meredith, but that wasn't true. She didn't hate Meredith. She envied her.

The bartender arrived with their drinks, snapping her out of her thoughts. What the hell? She was here to talk, not muse on Meredith's features like some kind of stalker. They need to start talking.

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_About the whole "She's so pretty thing", this fic is purely Meredith/Addison friendship. I have nothing against lesbian love, but it won't be appearing in this story. _

_Usually, when two women fight over the same guy, they tend to think "What does she have that I don't?" That's simply what the two of them are doing-trying to answer that question._

_The two will start to talk in the next chapter._

_Keep reviewing!_


	3. Friendless

**Mer POV:**

Meredith began fidgeting in her seat, tapping her foot and drumming her fingers on the counter. She needed to say something. The unspoken reason that brought the two of them here was that they needed to talk about Derek. One of them had to bring him up. Or at least, one of them had to start talking about something.

"So, this is a nice place," she says. _Nice conversation starter, Meredith. Why not talk about the weather next?_ "Do you come here often?" _Great, now it sounds like I'm hitting on her. Kill me now._

"No, it's usually Joe's," Addison murmured dreamily. "I've wanted to come here for a while now, but Derek never had the time. For Joe's he has the time, but………"

Meredith didn't know what to say. Discussing Addison's martial problems was so awkward. She couldn't believe that she agreed to come here. _What the hell was I thinking?_

Addison was still talking, "Back in New York, me and my girlfriends would come to places like this." It's silent for a moment. Then, "I miss them."

"Everybody needs someone to hang out with," says Meredith cautiously.

"That's the thing!" she exclaimed, "When Derek made me move here, I knew that I was going to lose my friends, but I thought that I would be getting my husband back. But I didn't. And I couldn't even make any new friends, because I wanted to be available on the days where Derek decides to throw me a scrap of affection. I eat my lunch alone in my office because my husband prefers doing paperwork to talking to me while he eats. I just……." Addison broke off, breathing heavily. "I mean, I know I deserve it after what I did, but-"

"No" Meredith's voice was quiet but firm.

"What?" asked Addison. They had barely begun speaking, but Meredith noticed that Addison already sounded tired. She wondered how long Addison had been keeping that little tirade in her.

"You don't 'deserve' it," Meredith said. "I mean, you shouldn't have slept with Mark. But he forgave you. He can't keep using it as an excuse for what he does. Here Meredith started rambling, "I mean, you slept with Mark, and there's no excuse for that, but there was a reason. If that makes sense. And he forgave. He took you back. He can't use Mark to silently justify how he treats you. Fixing a marriage requires more than just living in the same house. It takes work, and he needs to work and he can't use Mark as an excuse not to work." Meredith paused to catch her breath. _Damn it! I did my rambling thing. Why did I have to do my rambling thing? I wish someone would stop me when I do my rambling thing. Great, I'm still doing my rambling thing, only it's in my head. Okay, stopping now._

"Trailer," said Addison.

"Huh?"

"You said 'Fixing a marriage requires more than just living in the same house.' We don't live in the same house. We live in the same trailer. I hate than metal heap. I think I'm going to talk about it next."

"Next?"

"The way I see it, we both have things to talk about. So, I'll say one, and then you say one. It's your turn now. What do you want to talk about?."

"Umm…."

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_Thanks to _**kikky**_ and _**McMackenzie**_ for reviewing! I love you guys. I hope this is soon enough. _

_On a related note, 400 hits and 2 reviewers? Come on people, you can do better than that. I'm not going to hold the next chapter hostage if I don't get more reviews, but it would be nice to get more just the same.  
_

_Cheers!_


	4. Holding my head underwater

Addison POV:

**Addison POV:**

Meredith still hadn't said anything.

She had sipped her drink, nibbled some nuts, twisted a bar napkin and played with her pretty blond hair, but she still hadn't said anything.

She wasn't sure if that wasn't preferable. _No, _shesteeled _this was going to be mutual. God knows that Meredith was going through as much of crap with Derek as she was. _

_Maybe that's what's taking her so long, she can't decide._

_Or maybe she doesn't want to tell me about how my husband won't leave her alone._

"You don't have to sugarcoat it," she says abruptly. Meredith freezes, glass hovering on her lips. "We're both going to say stuff that's going to be painful for the other one to hear, so let's just….say it."

She watched as Meredith slowly lowered her glass and took a long, deep breath. 'I met Derek at a bar," she begins, "It was the night before I started my internship. _He_ hit on _me_. I didn't know that he was my boss."

"When I went to work the next day, I was so embarrassed," she moaned, resting her head on the counter top. "He kept flirting with me and _looking_ at me. And yes, I was attracted to him, I mean….." Here she stopped to give Addison a brief, unsure look. Addison gave her a "go on" look.

"He kept pursuing me even though he knew he was my boss, even though he knew he was married. If he had just left me alone, I would have gotten over my crush, but he didn't, so I…..didn't. And then, when we started dating after I had drunken sex with him in his car, I asked him for details and he told me his mother's maiden name and his favorite flavor of ice cream. I mean," she scoffed, "Yeah, that's great, but don't you think being married trumps that!" She viciously twisted her napkin and took a large swig of her drink, breathing heavily.

Addison usually got through the day by locking up feelings like hurt and anger away in an imaginary little box inside of her head. She had dealt with the Meredith issue by not dealing with it. But now she was dealing with it. And it was surprising how good the pain felt. It was something at least. _Never pegged myself as the masochistic type._

She had never really asked about how the Meredith/Derek relationship had started. She had always ungenerously assumed that Grey was the one who initiated the whole thing. _Well, it's not like Grey doesn't have a reputation. _But as it turns out, it wasn't her depressed husband being seduced by his subordinate at all.

"I fell in love with him," Meredith continued after regaining her breath. "He let me fall in love with him. When I asked why he said that it was like he was drowning and I saved him." Addison ignored he twang of hurt at the words that Derek had apparently said and let the girl continue.

"Okay, so he was drowning, but that does not justify what he did. He wanted fresh air and he pushed me underwater and used me to give him a boost so he could get it, and then he just left me to drown!" Addison was rapidly losing track of the extended simile, but luckily Meredith clarified.

"He used me so that he could feel better even though he knew that he would probably break my heart-and he did."

Her voice was so broken that Addison impulsively reached out and squeezed her wrist. The contact was brief, mainly lasting 2 seconds, but it signified a great deal. This wasn't just going to be a bitch-fest. This was going to be a comfort thing.

"So," said Meredith after a few moments of silence, "The trailer, huh?"

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_Sorry, I know that this isn't by best work, but I'm tired and I find Addison really hard to write. (Excuses, excuses)_

_Anyway, this touched on something that was a major point in my argument against Derek. He never should have pursued Meredith in the first place. He used her to forget about his martial problems while she fell in love with him, and then he justified it in fancy words and pretty similes. Jerk._

_Rant over._

_I'd like to thank all the amazing reviewers for their amazing reviews. I'm dancing! It's really given me a much needed confidence boost. Would have updated yesterday, but couldn't log-in. _:-(

_As always, read and review._


	5. That darn trailer

Mer POV:

**Mer POV:**

"I hate the trailer"

There is no stop in between the rants this time. No careful choosing of how to begin with out upsetting the other.

"So I've heard," replies Meredith. At Addison's look she went on, "Oh, come on, you were arguing about _loudly_ in _Seattle Grace Hospital_. Even if I wasn't in hearing distance, I still would have found out."

"You've been there, right?" says Addison. Although her tone is conversational, a bit of the earlier awkwardness creeps in.

"Yeah," Addison raises her eyebrow at her, so she continues, "I kind of liked it."

"Well, maybe you would," says Addison, a bit of venom in her voice. She stops for a second, and continues, softer, "But you didn't live there, you…"

"Slept there," finishes Meredith, completing the sentence Addison obviously wanted to say.

"It's just…there's no room for the two of us to _live_!" Addison exclaims. "If we argue or something I can't walk away. I can't just go to a different room because there is no other room. There's no _room_."

"I never thought about it that way," said Meredith, "It's nice to visit, but I guess it can be pretty annoying to have to live there if you don't want to."

"I've suggested compromises. I've suggested maybe moving to a small apartment in the city, or moving the trailer to a spot closer to the rest of society, or maybe even building a small house on the land. He just stays quiet and then says-'Addison, I don't want to have this discussion right now'" she scoffed in disbelief. "But it's a discussion we need to have."

"And it's not just the trailer. It's where we go too. I mean, I don't mind Joe's but would it be so bad for us to get dressed up and go drinking and dancing somewhere? Or to go out to a nice restaurant, or go away for the week-end? No, he's always tired or not in the mood. Our lives consist of the hospital, drinks at Joes, the occasional meal in the cafeteria and mediocre sex in the cramped trailer." Meredith winced, but didn't say anything. _At least the sex was mediocre. That's good right? _

_But it's not. I don't want to try and outdo her any more._

"And I can't even tell him any of this stuff. It's always 'not now', or 'I'm busy' and if I try to push it, instead of being the one whose trying, I'm the nagging, snobby wife." Addison sighed.

Meredith looked down guiltily, being one of those who had silently thought her to be a 'nagging, snobby wife'. She knew that she was wrong to judge, but it helped her to feel better knowing that the Shepherd reunion wasn't all sunshine and roses and that Addison wasn't completely perfect. _What a stupid excuse._

So she said, "Marriage is about compromise, and he's not doing it. You shouldn't have to tailor your likes according to him. You're not a snob for pushing the issue. You're just…someone who's trying."

Then Addison said so quietly that she almost missed it, "I've been trying for a very long time."

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_Thanks for all the reviews. I know that this chapter was slow. Most of this chapter is based on my assumption. We've never seen Addison and Derek doing stuff like going to the movies, or to dinner, so I chose to use creative license and say that it didn't happen. We've seen Addison argue about the trailer and I'm sure that a compromise must have been talked about, but in the end the two of them remained in it._

_Fact-Reviews make writers write faster. Just thought you should know._


	6. Author's note

Sorry everyone

Sorry everyone!

I'm going on holiday, so I won't be updating for the rest of the month. But don't worry; I will **definitely resume writing in September**. And if you're lucky, I might have access to a computer at my aunt's, so maybe I can write a chapter there.

See you in a month

Oracle of the Mystics


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